Typically, I find relationship posts funny, like –“How to build strong life-long relationships?” or perhaps – “How to find and keep romance alive in a relationship?” or whatever?! There are so many such self-help advice strewn around in media. The cliche is beyond hilarious. The futility of these posts ( well, no offence to the well paid columnists who put in a lot of dedicated effort or whatever it is that is needed to write these posts) are baffling! I haven’t yet seen a single person who actually has benefited from following these regular relationship advice. From our closest of buddies to the weirdest strangers, the advice seems so abundant that the plethora of “this and that” never ceases to hit the already bewildered neurons leaving us wondering what the hell should we go about doing when it comes to relationships – especially a romantic, made for life and together forever ones! If I am so cynical about these ideas and posts, then why set out to write about relationships myself? I am intrigued or I am just bored or I am feeling more than just tweety. Either way, I have a deep innermost feeling about what a true soul connection is. And, I have an itch to write today!
How does one fall for another? (As silly as it goes around sounding, should we not be rising up in love?). Aah! The word “love”. The greatest poets, philosophers, narcissists, writers, weirdos, junkies and pretty much every damn genre of folks have tried defining and idolizing the concept of love and the concept of relationships based on love. Isn’t love the answer always? But I strongly believe that everyone (almost everyone) at some point or the other toss and turn in their beds, waking up in the middle of the night and staring at the ceiling and waddling in the pool of stressed induced night sweat and despair – wondering about love or the lack of it thereof! A heady cocktail guaranteed to steal the best of sleeps induced by the strongest of sleeping pills.
Every modern-day relationship folk song sings the same monotonous tune starting with a high note to mellowing down into a slow melody of low pitched hums. Between chasing one’s so-called dreams to meeting life’s milestones based off of the societal pressures, and choosing to adhere to text-book definitions of love and togetherness while continuing to be so impressionable of the stupid movies and telly bugs, we simply lose the meaning and essence of what truly the feeling of oneness in a relationship is.
No winners in this relationship game. No losers either. The game either robs you of every pleasure in life or it so rocks that you can’t get enough of it. And to be fair to the cosmic balance and/or the bell curve, leaving the above two outliers, most games are mediocre! Personally I find it really sad that these relationship games are becoming a reality of fictitious togetherness!
The relationship caravan starts with the best of charades on the part of the two people entering into it. Putting on one’s best behavior (definitely failing the “farting in love” test, I am sure) and trying to hide all the demons inside while showcasing a pearly admiration and wonder for each other’s dazzling attitudes – so much so that they can’t get enough of each other. Late night calls, spending all the time together, thinking of each other round-the-clock, cuddles, kisses, hugs, dates, gifts and what not! Really cute, yes cheesy, but hey, why not?! But is this enough to call oneself in love? Going from boycotting their birth families to slashing wrists, the concept of love idealized by the current day world is extremely disappointing. And for the lucky few who end up together after a whirlwind romance, they get immediately bogged down by mechanical routines of life and they are back to wondering about the relationship and the concept of love. It isn’t the fairy-tale one envisions, is it? It isn’t the crux of I-am-top-of-the-world feeling, is it? They might start investing time in yoga or dancing or bitching to their best buddy or sulking in a corner or whatever the substitution exercise is! Escaping reality has never been so easy before! Apparently I read somewhere that monkeys scratch fervently in moments of despair when there is uncertain skirmish in themselves. Resorting to such behavior clearly exudes the signs of being not very comfortable in one’s own skin and being incensed by the smokes of the relationship fire that is slowly being doused!
Finding a great partner to be with is more of an exception these days than the rule. The common dictum prescribes that “something decent” would do (whatever the variable ‘decent’ would hold). But every relationship is a choice. And this is flagrantly true! You might wonder what the big surprise here is?! We all choose our so-called partners and we walk in and out of relationships out of a choice. Our choice.
Well, true! But not entirely. The choice here is not about the person, it is about you, your core, your inner voice, your feelings and what makes you feel alive in the truest sense! We are often so entangled in the web of life’s responsibilities and standing up and raising our bar to peer pressure and societal norms that we often forget to pause. Pause and reflect. Pause, reflect and seek. Pause, reflect, seek and be open to realizing whatever it is that we truly deserve. What is in the innermost shards of the heart that pounds in us making a whole mirror of our soul?
We never learn to pause and wait for the truest of all feelings to manifest inside of us. We hide ourselves in facades of a fake reality, proud to parade around in a charade of meaningless pursuits as if with a feather in the cap and we pick our trophies along the way for hitting life’s milestones. And we pretend as if this is how it is about life. Ever read Shel Silverstein’s poem “Masks”?And we tell ourselves – “we are indeed happy”. But most often than not, we also wonder! Wonder what went wrong? Wonder this doesn’t feel like the epitome of hope but a parody of despair. For the most, it is a ridicule hanging in between joy and misery. These people call themselves as “settled down” probably. I don’t know.
The truest soul connection is meaningful pursuit of wanting to fall in love every morning, feeling so much so vibrant with every sunrise and falling asleep like a baby with every sunset knowing that one’s life is complete in every sense because of the togetherness you are blessed with. Milestones still exist, the day-to-day life still exists and food, water, shelter and all of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs will exist. But there will be a feeling that will transcend these, take you on a ferry ride through ebbs and tides of life leading you from ephemeral to eternal. It will kindle a feeling of being so much one with the universe that one will literally feel the light illuminating the souls guiding every step, marking every breath with a fresh lease of life and mate your actions with your destiny.
Two people perfect for one another will not need to walk together always. One can fly and the other can swim – but they come along to show each other what the feeling is to have wind beneath the wings and what it feels like to be sway in the depths of the currents. Together they are free to be themselves and apart they are simply bound by the captivity of their souls. These are warriors of soul-light – who can take life head on and can touch everyone’s life they meet up with a graceful flicker of hope and joy.
And I believe that a simple choice to let our truest selves be open to finding the truest of love would ensure we cross paths with someone who can let us be ourselves, who can make us embrace the sublime trust in the purity of oneness and it surely would taste like a concoction of ecstatic love. But what in the meantime? We can be our authentic selves, learning to live life than merely exist, pause and introspect, chase after our deepest desires, realize our most innate dreams and simply just walk along singing a merry song. Practicality doesn’t mean that dreaming and chasing after Utopia is silly. It simply means that chasing after it mindlessly is unrealistic.
Here is a story I love!
Many times we (a lucky few at least) meet the one person who feels perfect in every sense. But, we let them pass by. We let them go. Because we are not in the habit of making the placid wise choices in life. We are trained not to believe in magic, we never listen to our gut and we certainly don’t let light into our souls. We shut ourselves down so much so that our existence is robotic and programmed to execute wins one after the other. Any true thought or feeling is so shackled inside that our functional brains refuse to even recognize the inner twitches.
But if you ask me, I would say, wake up!
Hold out for the special someone who can waltz into your life in a jazzy melody, whose flavor is hope, who can make you want to fly, who can add a swagger to your steps, who can make you believe in miracles and who can inspire you to be the best of what you can ever be! Someone who can embrace the “you” in you and take you on a highway to heaven-on-earth. This special someone can make you believe, make you pause and make you unshackle yourself from everything that has been holding you back. This is not romance, this not lust, this is not even common love but this is the purest of feelings that happens to invade your core despite yourself. When this soul connection happens, you are filled with a quiver in your soul with an unbound peace. Space and time no longer is a limit to you, the bounds of the truth and untruth no longer matter to you and the absolute truth of oneness is revealed to you! This is a point of no return when life makes total sense and if you are lucky to be partnered with this special someone, life becomes worthy. Life comes to a full circle and you feel alive!
Shameless plug: Soul Café invites you to come in and have a cup of special brew, to pause, to step back and reflect, to let your inner self make the choice. A choice of a lifetime that is worth every chance you might want to take.