Opposites don’t attract unless we are talking about magnets

There are times I wonder about relationships, and the secret to finding and making them long lasting. I would have liked to crack that secret code. I study people behavior and from the confirmation bias to frequency illusion to the default syndrome, I have analyzed quite a bit to figure that one magic potion, if you will.

“It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.”
—Nick Hornby

And this is so true. Bingo. That’s it. The secret to long lasting relationships is being comfortable in our own skins with each other and loving one another’s company as if that all we ever wanted. Two people who have their thoughts synced up, desires matched, personalities tallied up, and hearts in tow, minds put together and souls intertwined will make the best couple ever. So, sorry, opposites don’t attract unless we are talking about magnets. Or let me put it in a more milder tone –  in human relationships opposites tend to attract and these tend to be our short term crushes. When it’s about love for life,  like-minded  partners work better.

I have seen people bicker, fight and fall out because of clashes and differences. Because they couldn’t agree on tomato sauce or potato fries. Because he wanted something and she totally hated it. Well, the common societal solution for this is compromise. Great one if the compromises were just about a tomato sauce or potato fries :). For matters more serious it sucks the joy out of life. Turns things mundane. Sets a routine. And rituals rob the fun out of everything.

But if there were two people who could agree on tomato sauce for one and the other can make art on the plate with it because it is something not of their favorite, we have got the alchemy of relationships in these two. Seriously, the best relationships revolve around finding someone who complements you. This is because unconsciously we look for someone who can improve us; so the person could be  different than us – “different” in a  good way – someone who complements us but not our polar opposite. Absurdly true!

I would like a partner with whom I can sync up in every manner possible. Funny pick-up lines to serious courtship – They need to believe and enjoy them equally. A universal appeal to facilitating a great love connection lies in how we can hold each other’s attention. Nothing like enjoying the same book series, TV shows, music genres, theatrical appearances, travel pursuits and the list goes on. Even in evolutionary and mating decisions perspective, there is always a look out to match (and not differentiate) on social, economic, physical attractiveness and emotional compatibility. The keyword being a “Match”. There is proven research that people are likely to prefer the same characteristics in their partner when considering sexual selection.

They are best friends first and everything else next. They can tell each other anything and everything and for any situation they go to each other first. They can never be bored because they are hanging out with someone who knows them well and understands them. People who cannot connect at the same wavelength almost fall out at some level or the other. They are genuinely attracted to one another. In each other’s eyes, they are the best anyone could ever be. They know exactly what they want in a relationship and they are courageous to wait and go after their hearts.

Some differences is common, acceptable. But a varying degree of differences is more harmful than being any attractive in a given relationship. A good sense of humor that both enjoy can be a highly attractive tactic in keeping the passion alive in a relationship. They are always laughing. Of course they have serious moments and life runs on those as well. But they can be so comfortable with one another that they learn to keep things lighthearted. They have their own set of funny jokes and one-liners. They continue to flaunt their funny and charming side all through out to keep the relationships alive. They respect and value each other and the traits that brought them together in the first place. They have a unique boundary of sorts on outside influence. They are sanctuary of togetherness in their own rights and standing surrounded by mutual admiration and respect.

There will necessarily be difference of opinion and they will each have their own sense of individuality. However, those will be very much shadowed by the illuminance of the things they both enjoy and the beautiful togetherness they share. Yes, that is the secret to long lasting relationships. Be with someone with whom you can enjoy the sunset in the same way as the other. The rest will fall in place on its own.

Life is but feeling at home with oneself and with the universe

Life is but feeling at home with oneself and with the universe. What better way to enjoy the feeling with someone who can relish life the same way as you do. Find the one who can walk with you, run with you and fly with you as you soar the skies of life.

Shameless Plug 🙂 :  At SoulCafe we recommend complimentary personality matches and that is someone who “gets you” – someone who will not make you feel an outsider in your own world and someone who could be slightly different from you but “different” in a good way!




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