Have you felt a sense of sadness as you turn the last page of a compelling book? Long after you have finished reading the last page, you find yourself staring at a blank wall for a while or flipping the pages to re-read some of the passages. For a moment you might just even hold the book closer to your chest and gasp! This could also happen while watching an engaging movie. As it comes to an end, you are not ready to leave the characters. You stay back marinating over your emotions as the post scripts start rolling. Most recently this happened to me with “Koode”. I wasn’t quite ready to leave Joshua, Alozhy, Sophy, Jenny, Brownie and the rest.
There is a momentary grief over losing the fictional characters . But then don’t we do it all over again – get engrossed in another wonderful book that will eventually make us feel sad as the characters leave us. These characters probably touch us in some way and that’s why it gets hard to part. If you have been touched by someone, parting becomes painful. If there is love, there is grief. But to avoid grief , should we avoid love?
We could opt to stay away from this pain. What if nothing touches us or we stay away from being genuinely close to anyone? What if we guard ourselves against grief, pain and failure? We can numb ourselves with busy schedules, shopping, non stop scrolling on our phones and so on. Life will still go on and when asked “How are you?” we could still auto respond “good” or “fine”. We can be proud of being emotionally strong, un-wavered and toughened up – protecting ourselves from being hurt. The courage to feel pain is something that most of us are never taught. Instead, we learn to distract ourselves from it, to insulate, and hide. Like Ingmar Bergman says – we are emotional illiterates.
We’re emotional illiterates. And not only you and I-practically everybody, that’s the depressing thing. We’re taught everything about the body and about agriculture in Madagascar and about the square root of pi, or whatever the hell it’s called, but not a word about the soul.
– Ingmar Bergman
Grief, sorrow, anger are all difficult emotions. Is there any value going through it, doesn’t it make logical sense to avoid it? Well feeling these difficult emotions — gives us depth as human beings. Else we are living a life of shallowness. These emotions represents our humanness.
“I want to celebrate the sadness that makes you feel everything so deeply.
I want to throw a party for the wounds that make you so unabashedly human.”
-Danielle Antoinette Foy
If we totally insulate our lives from grief, loss, pain and failure , we are also in effect insulating it from passion, love, creativity and exploration. Grief and love come through the same door – if we shut it for one, we are shutting it for both. Now take a moment and think about how we constantly make choices in our lives.
Blessed are those who grieve the loss of someone, for they have experienced love in their life, blessed are those who have experienced failure, for they have pushed themselves beyond their own limits.
As Amy our cafe mate at SoulCafe puts it in one of the forum conversations – if you opt to approach a relationship with love there is an equal chance to be hurt as well but then what is the alternative? Never giving yourself a chance to experiencing love?
Thankfully in Koode, Joshua and Sophy gave themselves the chance to experience love – took the risk of getting broken again. Gosh! Koode hasn’t left me I suppose 🙂
Shameless Plug: SoulCafe : A soulful platform for the soulful ones to connect over conversations.